How will we end it up?

It was something like half an hour ba3d el ma3'rib, walking 3nd el gam3a, ta7deedan 3nd parking el "mecrobazat" (el u-turn sabekan), za7ma, ez3ag, dalma...bs fi sowt da3eef tale3, msh 3arfeen tale3 menein aslan...


A few steps later...el sowt byzeed, el sowt tale3 men bein shagar masek f ba3do, wel donia dalma w msh shayfeen 7aga, met2a5areen w 3ayzeen nemshy, bs 7aga la eradeya me5aleyana nestanna w nshouf el sowt.

2arrabna aktar...el sowt sowt 2otta...3ammaleen nelef 7awalein el zar3, w ne7awel newassa3 showaya 3ashan nshuf....

Tel3et 2otta so3'ayara awy...3'aleban da5alet fel nour w msh shaifa tetla3 fel dalma....el kol bey7awel yewassa3laha...w heya msh btetla3...Tab heya msh btetla3 leh? 3ashan ma3andehash 3a2l w msh fahma en di forset-ha w momken te5rog now? Msh fahma en kol el nas di bet7awel tesa3edha heya? Walla yemken 5aifa menhom? Tab heya met3awwara f msh 3arfa tetla3?

A friend said: Tab heya zamanha ga3ana delwa2ty, akeed betnaw naw 3ashan ga3ana, w aked 5aifa tetla3 3ashan heya so3'ayara awy....mafeesh 3'er 7aga wa7da gat f dema3'y: Lamma tgou3 begad hatetla3 mahma kanet 5aifa w mahma kanet so3'ayara, bs heya lessa msh 3ayza el akl awy 3ashan teksar 5ofha w tetla3 tedawar 3aleih.

Fakkaretny beena k banyadmeen, kteer bneb2a 5aifeen ne3mel el 7aga ely hatwassalna, w kteer betgelna foras tewassalna w bendaya3ha 3ashan msh fahmeen ennaha forsa m3a en Rabbena faddalna 3an el 2otta b ne3met el 3a2l, w kteer beneb2a 3ayzeen ne2ool 7agat w msh ben2olha m3a en Rabbena eddana lesan netkallem beeh, w kteer beneb2a 3ayzeen 7aga bs eradetna msh kefaya ennaha te5aleena neksar 5ofna w nesta7mel ay 7aga 3ashan newsal lel 7aga di....

Ana msheit...w delwa2ty ana f beity, w zaman el share3 fedy wel nas kollaha f byot-ha, bs ana MOTA2AKEDA en el 2otta delwa2ty 3amalet 7aga men 2:

Ya emma 7aset ad eh heya 3ayza tetla3 w tel3et w nesyet enaha 5ayfa....
Ya emma fedlet 5ayfa le7ad ma matet men el goo3.

Mahma kano el nas 7awlo yesa3douha, 3ashan ma7addesh beye2dar yesa3ed 7ad 3'er nafso.


We all have the two probabilities...we're the only ones who decide...Ya tara how will we end it up?

The psycho inside...

Well, Men el awel keda 5aleena nkoon wad7een :D Ana msh Psycho...bs sa3at ba7awed 3ala na7yet el maganeen...aw ya3ny msh sa3at...keteer....mmm...msh mohem ba2a :D Msh yemken 7ad yktashef the psycho inside her/him? :D

Tayeb....b3eed 3an el "kare2een".....lamma el ensan el fady byefda aktar, beyesma7 l 3a2lo eno ye7awed 3ala share3 el maganeen w msh b3eed yod5olo :D w iza kont bet2addy goz2 men wa2t fara3'ak fi makan feeh ash5as keteer mate3rafhomsh...automatically hatebda2 tetabe3 homma bye3melo eh (na2es naddara sowda w wara2et gornan ma5rooma w teb2a serial killer :D Msh b3eed tetalla3 nota w tekteb "aham el mola7azat") :D w momken tet7awel l sha5s zayey byestamte3 bel 5roug alone w el mashy masafat taweela bela hadaf :D w athna2 re7alatak el taweela hatebda2 f momarset nashat el "seriall killing" men 3'er ma ta5od balak :D

Fi a7ad el marrat ely kont bamares feeha nashat el serial killing, kont bata5ayal law el share3 kollo nafs el sha5s... (awya...nafs el sha5s...e7na ettafa2na men el awel en ana msh psycho), ta5ayalt law el share3 kollo Marwa :D Aw el share3 kollo byetkallem zay ba3do...bey2oolo nafs el kalam...law el share3 kollo beybosselak w ye2ollak: Saba7 el 5er f wa2t wa7ed (w howa nafs el sha5s bs menno kteer ya3ny :D) :D:D....aw el share3 kollo labes nafs el lown....aw el share3 kollo mashy f nafs el ettegah....law el share3 kollo welad....aw kollo banat....aw kollo beed...aw kollo somr....aw kollo towal...aw kollo akzam...aw...aw.... :D:D Eh el malal da :D

Sa3et-ha 7asseit b ne3met Rabbena 3aleina...ne3met el "Diversity", el diversity f el ashkal, el diversity fel 3o2ool, el diversity fel sha5seyat, even el diversity f azwa2 el lebs w toro2 el kalam....7asseit awy el aya ely bet2ool:
و جعلناكم شعوبا وقبائل لتعارفوا


Elly ta7anny aktar eny 7asseit bel diversity el mawgouda gowa el ensan nafso...sa3at el ensan byeb2a 7aga...w showaya w ye2leb 7aga tanya (Msh enfesam ya3ny :D)...sa3at el wa7ed msh byeb2a 2ader y classify nafso demn category mo3ayan men kotr ma el wa7ed gowah mix 3ageeb men sha5seyat keteer...mafeesh ensan purely aggressive, when you get to understand el nas dowl you can deal with them 3ady w tensa this aggressiveness aslan....mafeesh ensan purely 5anee2 :D Beygeelo wa2t w yehazzar bardo....mafeesh ensan purely tayeb....beygeelo wa2t w yeb2a shereer....Kollena feena the two extremes bs el fekra fel balance...w da men ne3met Rabbena 3al ensan nafso, 3ashan law kan el wa7ed f "unimood" kan zamano zehe2 men nafso :D

El 7amdulillah en ana psycho :D 3ashan mazha2sh men nafsy :D:D:D

Na3tazer 3an hazeheh el wasla men el 5oza3balat...w nargo en ely 2araha mayfakarsh feeha kteer 3ashan msh 3ayzeen psychos kteer fel mante2a. :D

Let me dream.

That's me there walking in the middle of the greens, I can feel those sun rays passing through the fingers of my raised up hand, I guess I can touch them, I heard a voice calling so I stared to walk with faster steps...the voice is getting closer, so I started to run, closer....faster....and.....

Marwa....es7y ya 7abebty 3ashan 3andek kolleya, hatet2a5ary...

:S :S

Again I got back and laid my head to the pillow, I saw the greens and I stepped slowly waiting for the voice....and...

Marwa....Marwa....
na3am...3ayez eh ya 3bd el ra7man?
Msh 3ayez 7aga...Nyahahahahahaha (msh zay mine bardo :D)

:S:S:S:S

I decided to continue my dream anywhere else, couldn't find a better place where nobody would disturb other than college, everybody is doing his/her own, some are writing, some are listening and some are dreaming....

Here we go, I am holding the rays...the voice started to call....I move...move....move...and...

El doctora ely nayma....law msh 3ayza te7dary momken tetfaddaly....

(7ader....hatfaddal...)

I went out, started walking by the river...then I stood still "in the middle of the greens, feeling the sun rays around my face, smelling the fresh early morning breeze and watching the fishing boats moving around...." (Maybe the calling voice will come out from those boats....ma7addesh 3aref ya3ny :D)

This time I'm not sleeping...it's true, I am living the dream :) Still waiting for the calling voice though, but most of the dream became true....


P.S: Whether your dream was simple or complicated , Whether you were busy or not, despite of people's disturbance and interruptions.....Give yourself the chance to dream, protect your dream (ya Mai) and fight for your right in dreaming because it's worth fighting for :) And don't wait for the calling voice to move forward in the dream...it may come very late...and it might not be there aslan :)

The dream will come true...maybe not exactly the same, maybe a part will remain missing, maybe a part will happen more that you dreamed....but the dream will become true...the dream is true.

Ah...I was about to forget...that greeny part isn't my dream and I'm not waiting for that calling voice to make me move...I am already moving towards my dream, bs ya3ny I am keeping it to myself :):)

We're in good hands (2)

After a very tiring day....I threw my head back on pillow. I was trying to sleep but I couldn't...I couldn't stop those thoughts from flowing inside my head.

How many times I thought of things that don't make sense and they then turned into reality? Can't count them :)
How did days and years pass that fast? How am I 20? ...I was just 18 a couple of weeks ago (I feel it's like yesterday..when I got my driving license.. LOL :D) How did all this happen? Why did all this happen?

I felt like reviewing all my memories...shereet el zekrayat :D, don't know why did I feel like it at that time, maybe because things are happening so fast and I feel I can't catch up even with my own life...

I still remember when my mother used to say: Lamma tekbary w tod5oly el gam3a :D:D Wallahy ma kont bata5ayal aslan eny hawsal to that stage men 7ayaty :D

I still remember my first day at school w ezzay kano kol el 3eyal bey3ayato wana kano bygeebo ay 7ad by3ayat yo3od ganby 3ashan bal3ab m3ahom w ba5aleehom yebattalo 3eyat :D:D:D

I still remember lamma konna benet5ane2 m3a el 3eyal fel bus w makontesh bafham homma bey2oolo eh f madrasty el emarat and I used to fight for my place ganb el shebbak m3a eny kont as3'ar wa7da fel bus (I was 5!!!) :D:D (fakra ya sara? :D)

I still remember when I met every single friend...

I still remember my first day at college and how it was one of my worst days ever :D:D

I still remember......kol 7aga...

I remembered how A happened just before B...and how B was a result for A.....
Did I ever think that J will happen after A? Did I ever think of that sequence? Did I ever get that Allah was placing people and situations in my life to be reasons for other ones?

Have I ever thought that this girl will be my closest friend? Have I thought that this one will hurt me? Have I felt that I'd realize later on that I was being a fool? Have I ever though I'd visit that place?

And...why did X happen? 3ashan Y should happen as a result of X....3ashan Rabbena sheyellena Z ba3d X and Y...Tab eshme3na di te7sal abl di? 3ashan our response would have been different law el tarteeb e5talaf....

Msh di el 7aga ely kont hamout 3ashan te7sal a couple of years ago? Adeeny delwa2ty ba2ool el 7amdulilah ennaha ma7asaletsh...msh dowl el nas ely kont bat5ene2 menhom abl keda? Adeehom delwa2ty as7aby....

It just goes and no one knows eh beye7sal leh except Allah.....and that proves ad eh 3elm el ensan ma7doud w nazreto so3'ayara awy.....the only thing we should be sure of is en kol 7aga fel donia significance w mafeesh 7aga bte7sal 3ashan te7sal w 5alas....w mafeesh 7ad hay3'ayar el maktoub wala 7ad haya5od aktar men rez2o....

Keteer ba2ool el 7amdulillah eny ma3rafsh el mosta2bal.....3ashan sa3at fi 7agat law 3erefna feeha el mosta2bal we'd never enjoy el wake3....If I knew en di hate5las keda...I would have never started it...and I'd never enjoyed what I enjoyed during it.
لو علمتم الغيب لتمنيتم الواقع

Aktar 7aga fel donia betraya7 when something we can't accept happens enena nfakkar what we got menha...and even when we can't find ay 7aga tele3na beeha men el leila di f being sure en el 7aga di hatfedna later on w ennaha el 5eir is the best thing to do.

El 7amdulillah 3ala kol 7aga 7asaletly f 7ayaty sawa2 fehemt heya 7asalet leh aw lessa mafhemtesh aw 7atta msh hafham.....w el 7amdulillah mokadaman 3al maktobly in my future :)

Do you deserve to reach the other side?

It was late at night…I could hear nothing except the waves rushing towards the shore and hitting each other as if it was a race and each one wanted to reach the end point first. The cold air was moving around my face and my headscarf was flying like a small boat’s sail in the middle of the broad sea.
I moved my eyes up and looked to the stars while listening to the rushing waves (f nafs zat el la7za :D), they looked like the sparkling points in a diamond or a precious stone (momken ne2ool Morgan? :D) . I looked to the other side if the sea, wished two wishes (3arfahom ya Mai? :D btw I wished you the two ones you told me about ;) w da3etlek ya Aya….b kol 7aga kowayesa gat f dema3’y by then :D), I remembered my grandmother saying: Lamma to2afy 3and el ba7r, ed3y w 2ooly ya Rab, fi haza el shahr …..(Name el da3wa :D), and how it always worked with her that she once asked Allah en her granddaughter tetgawez :D and to her surprise, she got engaged in the same month…..I used to think en di 5orafa, bs that doesn’t mean that I don’t do it :D I stood praying and laughing at the same time that I looked like an idiot and then some thought popped into my mind…

Why do we think that our wished come true while looking to the other side of the sea? Maybe because wished are always linked to “the unknown”? or maybe because we always link wishes with fear? I’ve always believed that being in the middle of the dark sea is very scary, and only those who are brave enough to go into the sea and leave their shores deserve to reach the other side and reach their destinations, just like in our lives, only those who are brave enough to dream and risk in working on their dreams deserve to achieve their goals and get their wishes fulfilled. If we fear, we’ll never achieve, storms are always probable, but only those who are brave enough and strong enough to bear the cold weather and take off their shirts to use them instead of the broken sails can reach the other side, only those who have enough patience and enough faith in Allah can reach the other side.

Why not dream? Why fear? Life is always full of hardships, a fact we should believe in, I always remembered Allah saying: لقد خلقنا الإنسان في كبد , but he also said: و من يتوكل علي الله فهو حسبه which means that we shouldn’t “over plan” our future, and we shouldn’t be concerned with every single detail in our “what if” situations, we shouldn’t draw a “flow chart” for our lives paths, we should think about the main steps, know the obstacles but not over think about them. Fear of the future can never exist with true faith in Allah, As long as we believe in Allah and understand the true meaning of al tawakol, we get our strength from Allah, we get our courage from Allah: و اعلم أن الأمة لو اجتمعت على أن ينفعوك بشيء لم ينفعوك إلا بشيء قد كتبه الله لك و لو اجتمعوا على أن يضروك بشيء لم يضروك إلا بشيء قد كتبه الله عليك and that everything is already set even before we were born: رفعت الاقلام و جفت الصحف . We’re in good hands, Allah is more merciful to us than we are to ourselves, we can never know the future but we can always believe that it’s better.
We should never let our fear of the future stop us from enjoying the present and then we'll realize that we have lost both, the present and the future.

El erd f 3en ommo....zarafa.

"The only thing that is unchanged is change itself"......A very true phrase that's proving itself everyday, in every place, every class, every culture and every place.

Iran which was an ally of USA ayam "Reda bahlawy" is now one of the biggest enemies...France and UK ely kano byetsar3o 3ala masr fel karn el 19 3amalo 7elf deddaha sa3et el 3odwan el tholathy....

El 3arabeya el beetle ommo babein wel kabbout beta3ha kan wara w shantet el 3arabeya oddam et7awelet b odret ader l 3arabeyat motanawe3a :D W sub7an Allah!! El kabout oddam wel shanta wara!! :D


El ensan elly kan byesta3mel el 3agala el 7arbeya (kano beydaresoohalna 3ala enaha "e5tera3" :D) ba2a yerkab dababat w tayarat sa3b el wa7ed yefteker esmaha....

El so2al da f dema3'y ba2alo kaza yom, howa kol 7aga el mafroud tet3'ayar walla la2? Elly kan beyet2alllena enno 3'alat we7na so3'ayareen el mafroud yeb2a "et3'ayar" w ba2a "3ady" delwa2ty? Wel mafaheem et3'ayaret wel definitions ettawaret w kol 7aga maba2etsh heya...

Lamma el kodwa yeb2a el 7aramy wel 7ashash....

Lamma el dostour yeb2a kedb w tazyeef....

Lamma neb2a ben2ool kalam w mabne3meloush.....

Lamma yeb2a 3a2lena nayem wel estebn msh mawgoud....



Yeb2a msh be3eed el erd elly kan f 3en ommo 3'azal yeb2a f 3en ommo zarafa maslan :D

Aw yo3tabar el 5eyar fakha wel mowz 5odar.....

Aw nela2y el 7omar bey3eesh fel mayya wel samaka betetmasha 3al tare2 el zera3y....


Everything can be expected....Ma3a tide fel 3'aseel mafeesh mosta7eel :D


Shokran lel abtal elly esta7melo ye2reo el habal da lel a5er :D


P.S: I know this may sounds ta5reef awy, a3tazer, bs kan lazem a5arraf badal ma atgannen :D

Aywa...Ana elly ha3'ayar el kown.

Fel kolleya w yowm taweel, mesta3gela w 3ayza a5allas, nezelt gary gebt 7aga ashrabha w ba3dein..3ayza armeeha :D No baskets. Tab armeeha 3al ard? 3ala ganb ba2a mafeehash moshkela, w ba3dien mal nas kollaha btermy, howa ana elly ha3'ayar el kown?

Mashya w 3ayza a3addy el share3, lessa harou7 le7ad el crosslines (showayet el no2oush ely rasamouha 3al ard bel bouya ely etba2et b3d ma 5allaso dehan el raseef badal ma yermouhom :D), ana ha3addy men nos el share3 w 5alas, ya3ny mahy el 3arabeya msh hate5batny (aslo hayrou7 f dahya :D If you're a driver you'll understand ad eh bteb2a 7aga sa5eefa en wa7ed ye3addy kol sanyetein, beteb2a 3ayez t2ollohom ma3lesh lemmo ba3doko w 3addo marra wa7da :D), kol el nas bet3addy ba2a men ay 7etta, ya3ny howa ana elly ha3'ayar el kown?

Barken el 3arabeya, msh la2ya makan arken, wel donia za7ma wel eshara ma sada2t ennaha fata7et, eh da! 7ad byetla3 men makano, yalla bsor3a al7a2o (msh mohem aksar 3ally mashy ganby :D hayza3a2 showaya w y3addy, w ba3dein ana afla el shebbak, law shatam msh hasma3o). "Mamnou3 el entezar"?! Tab ezzay ya3ny? Ma kol el 3arabeyat Rakna, gat 3alaya ana? El wensh msh haykalbesh kol el 3arabeyat di, w ba3dein Howa ana elly ha3'ayar el kown?

Emte7an practical, el wa2t haye5las, 3ayza anga7, mahy keda keda dalma fel paper. El preparation tel3et bayza! :S Ya gama3a 7ad 3ando zayey? Tab ma3aky zeyada? Tab shokran, 7oteehom b sor3a fel jar beta3y 3ashan nel7a2 nesallem (E7na maben3'eshesh,kol el nas bte3mel keda, da 7atta el mo3eed 3amal keda, w ba3dein howa e7na elly han3'ayar el kown?)


Tab howa ezzay el 7agat di ba2et 3ady aslan? el egaba: Ba2et 3ady 3ashan e7na et3awedna 3aleiha, 3ashan wa7ed 3amalha l awel marra f wa7ed tany 2al lamma a3mel zayo wel talet 2al 5alas ana hat7ama feehom wel rabe3 2al" Howa ana elly ha3'ayar el kown?"
Aywa ana elly ha3'ayar el kown, law 3amalt 7aga 3'alat 3'eiry haye3mel zayey, w law 3amalt 7aga sa7, msh hayeb2a fi 7ad bye3mel 7aga 3'alat aslan. Lw ana battalt amshy 3aks el ettegah ma7addesh hayemshy 3aks el ettegah, law ana battalt army zebala fel ard ma7addesh hayermy zebala fel ard, law ana battalt ashtem ma7addesh hayeshtem, law ana battalt a2el zow2y ma7addesh hay2el zow2o, law ana battalt a2ool: "Howa ana elly ha3'ayar el kown?", ana elly ha3'ayar el kown.