The Kid with the puzzle....

An messy room...no much light around except for that sunset ray going through the small slit just beside that wooden window covered by the dark red curtain....

The room was messed up with toys....lots of them, cars, dolls, airplanes...I couldn't even guess if that was a boy or a girl's room....

There was a large lamp in the middle of the ceiling, but it wasn't lit...

A little kid whom I couldn't recognize his/her face...I couldn't even decide if it's a boy or a girl....but I could see he's a child...a weak one...

The child seemed very busy...he was trying to re-order some pieces of a puzzle, to form a picture which seemed like he lost the guide to it...he didn't have another photo of the puzzle to imitate, and there was no one around to help...I stood at the door watching silently so I won't disturb...

I was very surprised...how can a kid leave all that toys and stick to a puzzle...kids don't usually love puzzles...they love adventures...or what they call adventures...

It was also strange that he didn't use the lights just above him...yet I wasn't very surprised...kids don't usually do right things and look for things to guide....only grown ups do.

I kept watching for sometime, then I decided to get closer...the child noticed me..I got closer and sat beside him...I could now see his face clearly...yet I am sure he didn't see himself as clear as I did, A mirror is never as clear as human eye is...

I asked him what does the picture he was trying to form looks like....

He answered that he didn't know...

So I wondered why was wasting his time doing this...

He said: I noticed that my eye was on one of those pieces...so I was sure I am in the picture...

I asked surprisingly how he 's that sure that this was his eye..

He said...no one knows my look better than I do....no one has that determined eye except me...

I was surprised...those can never be the words of a little kid...yet, I watched silently...

He started with the eye he believe it was his....and then tried to form his face...it was really him...maybe that time, he didn't need a mirror....he proved that a person can see himself without mirrors...a heart's eye is much clearer than a human eye...

He continued working on the puzzle.....he formed the whole him...that took him the longest time, no sooner he completed that part he was done with the whole picture...

It looked very sweet, the sky was deep blue, the clouds were foamy...and he was standing up still...raising his head up high...much taller than he actually was....and looked much stronger...

It's not about how human eyes see us...it's about how our hearts' eyes see ourselves...that's how we'll finish up our puzzles.....

I left silently...but I was proud of the kid...who taught me much in those few minutes....

Ah...I realized that he didn't need the guiding picture...nor the lamp in the ceiling.....Sometimes Kids do things better than grown ups do....

I hate RECYCLING!

9 am.....the fresh but cold morning breeze was moving my scarf away...the sun was shining and the greans were sparkling over mat7af el manial where I was walking holding my lab coat, a couple of books and my bag. This time I wasn't heading to "El ma5ruba", I was moving to sa7bet-ha el ma7ru2a (kasr el 3einy sabekan) because my exam was held there....

I remembered the same day (bs da kan 20/1 not 24 w kan sabt w msh 5amees :D) last year, the same place, the same weather, the same facial expressions, the same room, the same samples, the same staff watching over the exam...just a couple of differences: The first was that this time I was alone, although I had lots of people around last year, the second was: The different me.

People were rushing holding their books, they don't know where they should go...two girls were heading to the 3rd floor so b 5ebrety I called and said: "el door el talet da bta3 wafd malysia :D e7na fel tany :D"

The same man sitting in the same door holding the same "daftar" and collecting "geneih wa7ed, rasm d5oul el emt7an" from the students.

I felt like I slept for a while and woke up to see people changing, yet I am in the same place.

I started thinking about how bored I am :D So that took me to a wider angle (ma3lesh asl ana mesawarateya...walla eh ya Ra3'da :D), How bored the staff are?

W zay mat3awedna, el angles malhash 7odood, so you can zoom out ela ma la nehaya....I've always loved wider anlges 3ammatan :D

How boring would the world be If we all did the same thing? We weren't born to live w 5alas...
Law Marwa da5alet el madrasa w ba3daha gam3a (ely heya tasmee3 aslan w fakra malhash ma3na f 7ayat 7ad zayey :D bs howa 3ashan el mogtama3 la yakbal eny akoun mada5altesh gam3a) w ba3daha teshta3'al ay 7aga, w tetgawez ay 7ad, w te5alles ay 3eyal, w temout...3ady....

w X da5alet el madrasa, w ba3daha gam3a, w ba3daha teshta3'al ay 7aga w tetgawez ay 7ad w te5allef ay 3eyal w temout....3ady...

w Y da5alet el madrasa, w ba3daha gam3a, w ba3daha teshta3'al ay 7aga w tetgawez ay 7ad w te5allef ay 3eyal w temout....3ady...


Zehe2to...sa7? How boring this world would be if life went in that cycle....if we all RECYCLED each other's lives...if we all lived just to live....w 3ashan howa da el 3ady, heya di sonnet el 7ayah, maho keda kowayes, wana ha3ouz eh aktar men keda w......

I am brand new....bel ticket ya3ny :D I am not and I won't accept to be recycled, only trash can be recycled (asfa if that was offensive....bas 7asset-ha awy).

"Those who don't have dreams have nothing.

W astanna 7elmy yenteser...

Again with my note book....whom I fell in love with! :D (December 16th).

I always claimed that the best time a person can invest in thinking is the time being on his/her way back home after a busy day....and everyday that claim tends to be proved.

After a very hard day, full of hard moments and smooth ones....met many people, talked about lots off issues, thought about much things, walked lots of miles and spent some of the hardest moments in the disappointment mood I had then.....I was driving on my way back home, being so late...it's 10 pm already, I have been out since 10 am, no rest, no food, no water.

Spending a day in "Kafr berak el 5eyam" isn't usually an enjoyable one, but it makes you feel satisfied about how you live and always say al 7amdulillah.

Today's al 7amdulillah was kinda different one....awel marra a7essaha :)

We were visiting the families in a "call for pride" ...a call for a small project, I first thought it was going to be met by acceptance and satisfaction...(although some people said it won't, but actually it was met by.....disappointing attitudes.

We went out of the first house...I couldn't stop those stupid thoughts from calling me: MSH HATE3MELO 7AGA...MA7ADDESH HAY3ABBARKO....so I decided that I would keep my mind in a "hibernating" mode till we reached the sencond house...

I went out from the second....to the third...to the fourth....to the fifth...and each time I tried to explain to the women: "It's just like your own child, you'll see it growing in front of....it's your own...imagine when your whole family starts helping and then you can get.....and you children will grow up having their own work, no need for......and....and....plus...."

I realized that I was dreaming alone :) Although it should have been their own dream...
And again (for three consecutive days) Tito's (Aywa...yo3'oslavia ya waldy :D) quote pops up into my mind: One nightingale's singing is not enough to call the spring...

I left the place disappointed...and it took me more than two hours to reach Manial moving from "Meedan lebnan"....ZAM7A...3awameed nour wa23a f 2asr el 3einy due to bad climatic conditions...So tired..started thinking..homma 5ayfeen? Tab homma kaslaneen? Walla homma msh waskeen feena?....yoooooh ba2a...msh 3ayza afakar, ana te3ebt fe3lan...switched on the music player...I only heard one sentence: " W astanna 7elmy yenteser"...

El 7amdulillah...3ashan I'm not afraid to dream...w 3ashan msh kaslana, wala msh waska f nafsy...
w hastanna 7elmy yenteser...yet, I won't wait long ensha2allah :):)

The wr-ight way.

This is taken from my blue notebook (ely ma7addesh 3omro shafha wala hayshofha m3a en 3aleiha ragel se3eedy gameel awy :D), as a part of my (personal) project la2atat men 7ayat psycho ely baktebo bona2an 3ala ektera7 my friend "Aya", as she said that writing kol yom what inspired you, motivated you, or taught you something would be very motivating lel seneen ely ba3d keda whenever you read it, w bona2an 3ala gomlel el 7ag 7asanein heikal lamma 2al en kol ensan 3ando f 7ayato ely yetketeb w yeb2a ketab el nas kollaha bete2rah w tet3allem menno (howa kan byewsef botros 3'aly, msh Marwa Morgan, w m3a keda ha2ollo shokran 3al mogamla el ra2ee2a w ha5odha 3ala nafsy, bs ha keep this to myself w msh hanshoro akeed :D).

Kal 3ada se7eet el sob7 ray7a 3alaya nowma (mahma kan ely 3andy, w mahma kan m3ado, lazem trou7 3alaya nowma, wallahy ma fel mo7adrat bs ya Rana :D), mesa22ata w mesadda3a w ta3bana geddan after a very tiring day (ely howa embare7) l daraget eny msh 7assa el sa3a kam aslan....

I put on my clothes w nezelt at 2 3ashan awaddy el sowar ely ba2aly yomein me7tasa feehom el sa2ia, asl deadline el mosab2a el naharda wana zana2t nafsy zay kol marra l a5er yomein, I left home w mesheet f taree2y 3ady geddan, ba3d sera3 m3 el za7am el raheeb la2etny 3nd el 2al3a f Salah Salem....

Howa ana eh ely gabny hena?! Ana leh matle3tesh kobry october?
Mobarmaga......taree2 el ma5ruba....sa7ya msh sa7ya, yeb2a ray7a el ma5ruba (ely aslan mabaro7hash).

Tab eh el 7al delwa2ty?! Where to go? msh harga3 el taree2 men awelo tany, el donia za7ma...

I'll take a shortcut, ana hafakkar delwa2ty w ha3raf ana momken amshy ezzay...
(If you don't know me well f I'm a shortcut person, maba7ebbesh el 3atala wel za7ma, law taree2 ma2fol ba5od 3'ero :D)

I managed to go through "share3 Mohammed Ali" then "Hassan el Akbar" reaching downtown w menha lel zamalek 3ady zay el nas...

While moving fel za7ma di I remembered 7agat adeema awy....I remembered the first time I went to share3 el mo3ez w el 3'oureya with my 3rd prep English teacher, I can still remember her voice "W hena etshana2 Toman bay w et3alla2et re2abto 3ala bab zewila".....ma3rafsh leh eftakartaha fel la7za di bezzat, bs maybe 3ashan we went through the same way, aslena konna fel 2al3a ablaha :):D

El taree2 mabyet7arraksh aslan, so I started watching el nas w homma mashyeen (aywa...psycho) w el ma7allat, wel 3eyal ely rag3een men madares-hom, wel masaged wel byout el adeema...7atta 3asaker el mrour ely zeh2o men el morour :D

I thought about 7agat f 7ayaty, and It was great to spend sometime alone thinking about kol 7aga, about what you've been into, what you've done, what you should do, what's happening to you and the messages you're getting....

It was a great pause that I needed, yet I couldn't get it while being driven away by za7met el ayam w kalam el nas w 5ena2at el as7ab w afashat el ahaly w el derasa w....w....w.....


I reached my destination at 4....it took me 2 hours while it's usually a 30-45 mins drive....

Bas ana madaya3tesh wa2ty, ana et2a5art ah, bs 7ammelt kteer fel taree2....

El 5olasa:

Yemken aw2at keteer (keteer awy 3andy :D) ned5ol f taree2 3ashan e7na mobarmageen, aw 3ashan el kol el nas bete3mel keda aw 3ashan howa da el 3ady aw...aw....aw...

W bnekteshef ennena fe a "wrong" way...w ne2oaf wa2fa msh 3arfeen ne3mel eh....mayenfa3sh nelef w nerga3, w mayenfa3sh nekammel w nrou7 7etta 3'er ely el mafroud neb2a feeha....w as3ab la7za heya ekteshaf el "shortcut" w ennena nod5olo...yemken nkoun 3arfeeno bs mabna5odsh balna en dal wa2t ely lazem nesta3melo feeh...

We may reach our destination late...bs ben reach it :) w ben reach it we7na kasbaneen keteer awy...Rabbena 3omro ma bey7ottena in a "wrong" way, it's a right way, bs not the way we planned for aw not the shortest way...yet, it's a way, w a very useful one kaman, and maybe we wouldn't have reach our destination b what we need ella through that "wr-ight" way.

"It's never too late....we never need U-turns".

The boat in the yellow sail.

Totally alone holding my green so-called "political" book ....white sand all around, I stood watching my shadow on my right, and remembered how I learned estimating the time using shadows when I was 10 years old....ya3ny 10 years ago, a number I would have never been able to estimate correctly if I didn't know how old I was then.

The waves were moving one after each other, they reminded me of us, and how a person can be pushed by another person OUTSIDE, but he always gets back to his original place very soon, nothing stays outside except useless sea foam.

Feeling that golden ray warming me although it was very cold and just stopped raining a couple of hours ago, I held my head up to the sky after I had just finished praying for all those who asked and who didn't ask me to :D (The list is gowning longer w msh hayenfa3 keda 3ala fekra!! :D). I kept watching the sea gulls flying up high in groups, one of seagull was flying alone, in a direction opposite to the others', I wished I was able to call out: Enty ya benty ray7a fein?! Ma kollohom mashyeen keda....hatouhy! Then I started thinking, maybe that one was the only right one, or maybe it just wanted to explore the horizon, or maybe it was flying to a place no one else can see. It was my first time to see sea gulls flying that high, I've always known that they fly near the water surface to grab fish and eat, but sometimes we break expectations and move from the circle of the "known" heading to the "unknown" sometimes just feel our freedom and sometimes heading to places or action no one can see or know but us.

Fishing boats were moving everywhere, but that time they're rowing to a well known place and for a well known purpose...among those "sail-less" boats, one boat with a yellow sail was approaching, I remembered when I was out with my friends once and one of them asked us to close our eyes and imagine ourselves in a place (Fakra ya Enas? :D)....I imagined myself then watching a boat with a big sail....maybe because I love boats monzo el tofoola :D and because I when I was a child I wished I was a boy so I can go rowing in a wooden boat (aw a "woody" boat ya Aya :D:D).

I felt like I had a running stream of memories moving much faster than the running motor boats on the other side...and like I had a flowing uncontrollable sea with many waves of emotions inside my heart, I started thinking why the hell do we feel nostalgic? Why do we ever feel like :"zaman kan a7san", and why do we wish sometimes like we want to be back to the past while every single moment in the present is going to be "the future's past" and we're going to miss them then, and we'll feel then like we want to live those moments again, but all in vain, so why not enjoy them now and then enjoy them as memories w yeb2a keda 5adna el combo w kesebna 2 f wa7ed :D

It took me a couple of hours being lost in my own head, and the golden ray was gone then a running dog started barking that I couldn't hear "Fayrouz" singing anymore (she was singing, m3a en makansh fi 7ad 3al ba7r 3'ery, hamout w a3raf el sowt gaie menein!) so I decided to get back to reading w kefaya sho3'l el maganeen da. :D

Ah! Kont hansa a2ool aham 7aga!! The boat with the yellow sail was holding a message....kan maktoub 3aleiha: El 7amdulillah 3al yemeen....wel rezk 3ala Allah 3al shemal :):)
El 7amdulillah 3ala pur past...wel rezk 3ala Allah in our future.

How will we end it up?

It was something like half an hour ba3d el ma3'rib, walking 3nd el gam3a, ta7deedan 3nd parking el "mecrobazat" (el u-turn sabekan), za7ma, ez3ag, dalma...bs fi sowt da3eef tale3, msh 3arfeen tale3 menein aslan...


A few steps later...el sowt byzeed, el sowt tale3 men bein shagar masek f ba3do, wel donia dalma w msh shayfeen 7aga, met2a5areen w 3ayzeen nemshy, bs 7aga la eradeya me5aleyana nestanna w nshouf el sowt.

2arrabna aktar...el sowt sowt 2otta...3ammaleen nelef 7awalein el zar3, w ne7awel newassa3 showaya 3ashan nshuf....

Tel3et 2otta so3'ayara awy...3'aleban da5alet fel nour w msh shaifa tetla3 fel dalma....el kol bey7awel yewassa3laha...w heya msh btetla3...Tab heya msh btetla3 leh? 3ashan ma3andehash 3a2l w msh fahma en di forset-ha w momken te5rog now? Msh fahma en kol el nas di bet7awel tesa3edha heya? Walla yemken 5aifa menhom? Tab heya met3awwara f msh 3arfa tetla3?

A friend said: Tab heya zamanha ga3ana delwa2ty, akeed betnaw naw 3ashan ga3ana, w aked 5aifa tetla3 3ashan heya so3'ayara awy....mafeesh 3'er 7aga wa7da gat f dema3'y: Lamma tgou3 begad hatetla3 mahma kanet 5aifa w mahma kanet so3'ayara, bs heya lessa msh 3ayza el akl awy 3ashan teksar 5ofha w tetla3 tedawar 3aleih.

Fakkaretny beena k banyadmeen, kteer bneb2a 5aifeen ne3mel el 7aga ely hatwassalna, w kteer betgelna foras tewassalna w bendaya3ha 3ashan msh fahmeen ennaha forsa m3a en Rabbena faddalna 3an el 2otta b ne3met el 3a2l, w kteer beneb2a 3ayzeen ne2ool 7agat w msh ben2olha m3a en Rabbena eddana lesan netkallem beeh, w kteer beneb2a 3ayzeen 7aga bs eradetna msh kefaya ennaha te5aleena neksar 5ofna w nesta7mel ay 7aga 3ashan newsal lel 7aga di....

Ana msheit...w delwa2ty ana f beity, w zaman el share3 fedy wel nas kollaha f byot-ha, bs ana MOTA2AKEDA en el 2otta delwa2ty 3amalet 7aga men 2:

Ya emma 7aset ad eh heya 3ayza tetla3 w tel3et w nesyet enaha 5ayfa....
Ya emma fedlet 5ayfa le7ad ma matet men el goo3.

Mahma kano el nas 7awlo yesa3douha, 3ashan ma7addesh beye2dar yesa3ed 7ad 3'er nafso.


We all have the two probabilities...we're the only ones who decide...Ya tara how will we end it up?

The psycho inside...

Well, Men el awel keda 5aleena nkoon wad7een :D Ana msh Psycho...bs sa3at ba7awed 3ala na7yet el maganeen...aw ya3ny msh sa3at...keteer....mmm...msh mohem ba2a :D Msh yemken 7ad yktashef the psycho inside her/him? :D

Tayeb....b3eed 3an el "kare2een".....lamma el ensan el fady byefda aktar, beyesma7 l 3a2lo eno ye7awed 3ala share3 el maganeen w msh b3eed yod5olo :D w iza kont bet2addy goz2 men wa2t fara3'ak fi makan feeh ash5as keteer mate3rafhomsh...automatically hatebda2 tetabe3 homma bye3melo eh (na2es naddara sowda w wara2et gornan ma5rooma w teb2a serial killer :D Msh b3eed tetalla3 nota w tekteb "aham el mola7azat") :D w momken tet7awel l sha5s zayey byestamte3 bel 5roug alone w el mashy masafat taweela bela hadaf :D w athna2 re7alatak el taweela hatebda2 f momarset nashat el "seriall killing" men 3'er ma ta5od balak :D

Fi a7ad el marrat ely kont bamares feeha nashat el serial killing, kont bata5ayal law el share3 kollo nafs el sha5s... (awya...nafs el sha5s...e7na ettafa2na men el awel en ana msh psycho), ta5ayalt law el share3 kollo Marwa :D Aw el share3 kollo byetkallem zay ba3do...bey2oolo nafs el kalam...law el share3 kollo beybosselak w ye2ollak: Saba7 el 5er f wa2t wa7ed (w howa nafs el sha5s bs menno kteer ya3ny :D) :D:D....aw el share3 kollo labes nafs el lown....aw el share3 kollo mashy f nafs el ettegah....law el share3 kollo welad....aw kollo banat....aw kollo beed...aw kollo somr....aw kollo towal...aw kollo akzam...aw...aw.... :D:D Eh el malal da :D

Sa3et-ha 7asseit b ne3met Rabbena 3aleina...ne3met el "Diversity", el diversity f el ashkal, el diversity fel 3o2ool, el diversity fel sha5seyat, even el diversity f azwa2 el lebs w toro2 el kalam....7asseit awy el aya ely bet2ool:
و جعلناكم شعوبا وقبائل لتعارفوا


Elly ta7anny aktar eny 7asseit bel diversity el mawgouda gowa el ensan nafso...sa3at el ensan byeb2a 7aga...w showaya w ye2leb 7aga tanya (Msh enfesam ya3ny :D)...sa3at el wa7ed msh byeb2a 2ader y classify nafso demn category mo3ayan men kotr ma el wa7ed gowah mix 3ageeb men sha5seyat keteer...mafeesh ensan purely aggressive, when you get to understand el nas dowl you can deal with them 3ady w tensa this aggressiveness aslan....mafeesh ensan purely 5anee2 :D Beygeelo wa2t w yehazzar bardo....mafeesh ensan purely tayeb....beygeelo wa2t w yeb2a shereer....Kollena feena the two extremes bs el fekra fel balance...w da men ne3met Rabbena 3al ensan nafso, 3ashan law kan el wa7ed f "unimood" kan zamano zehe2 men nafso :D

El 7amdulillah en ana psycho :D 3ashan mazha2sh men nafsy :D:D:D

Na3tazer 3an hazeheh el wasla men el 5oza3balat...w nargo en ely 2araha mayfakarsh feeha kteer 3ashan msh 3ayzeen psychos kteer fel mante2a. :D

Let me dream.

That's me there walking in the middle of the greens, I can feel those sun rays passing through the fingers of my raised up hand, I guess I can touch them, I heard a voice calling so I stared to walk with faster steps...the voice is getting closer, so I started to run, closer....faster....and.....

Marwa....es7y ya 7abebty 3ashan 3andek kolleya, hatet2a5ary...

:S :S

Again I got back and laid my head to the pillow, I saw the greens and I stepped slowly waiting for the voice....and...

Marwa....Marwa....
na3am...3ayez eh ya 3bd el ra7man?
Msh 3ayez 7aga...Nyahahahahahaha (msh zay mine bardo :D)

:S:S:S:S

I decided to continue my dream anywhere else, couldn't find a better place where nobody would disturb other than college, everybody is doing his/her own, some are writing, some are listening and some are dreaming....

Here we go, I am holding the rays...the voice started to call....I move...move....move...and...

El doctora ely nayma....law msh 3ayza te7dary momken tetfaddaly....

(7ader....hatfaddal...)

I went out, started walking by the river...then I stood still "in the middle of the greens, feeling the sun rays around my face, smelling the fresh early morning breeze and watching the fishing boats moving around...." (Maybe the calling voice will come out from those boats....ma7addesh 3aref ya3ny :D)

This time I'm not sleeping...it's true, I am living the dream :) Still waiting for the calling voice though, but most of the dream became true....


P.S: Whether your dream was simple or complicated , Whether you were busy or not, despite of people's disturbance and interruptions.....Give yourself the chance to dream, protect your dream (ya Mai) and fight for your right in dreaming because it's worth fighting for :) And don't wait for the calling voice to move forward in the dream...it may come very late...and it might not be there aslan :)

The dream will come true...maybe not exactly the same, maybe a part will remain missing, maybe a part will happen more that you dreamed....but the dream will become true...the dream is true.

Ah...I was about to forget...that greeny part isn't my dream and I'm not waiting for that calling voice to make me move...I am already moving towards my dream, bs ya3ny I am keeping it to myself :):)

We're in good hands (2)

After a very tiring day....I threw my head back on pillow. I was trying to sleep but I couldn't...I couldn't stop those thoughts from flowing inside my head.

How many times I thought of things that don't make sense and they then turned into reality? Can't count them :)
How did days and years pass that fast? How am I 20? ...I was just 18 a couple of weeks ago (I feel it's like yesterday..when I got my driving license.. LOL :D) How did all this happen? Why did all this happen?

I felt like reviewing all my memories...shereet el zekrayat :D, don't know why did I feel like it at that time, maybe because things are happening so fast and I feel I can't catch up even with my own life...

I still remember when my mother used to say: Lamma tekbary w tod5oly el gam3a :D:D Wallahy ma kont bata5ayal aslan eny hawsal to that stage men 7ayaty :D

I still remember my first day at school w ezzay kano kol el 3eyal bey3ayato wana kano bygeebo ay 7ad by3ayat yo3od ganby 3ashan bal3ab m3ahom w ba5aleehom yebattalo 3eyat :D:D:D

I still remember lamma konna benet5ane2 m3a el 3eyal fel bus w makontesh bafham homma bey2oolo eh f madrasty el emarat and I used to fight for my place ganb el shebbak m3a eny kont as3'ar wa7da fel bus (I was 5!!!) :D:D (fakra ya sara? :D)

I still remember when I met every single friend...

I still remember my first day at college and how it was one of my worst days ever :D:D

I still remember......kol 7aga...

I remembered how A happened just before B...and how B was a result for A.....
Did I ever think that J will happen after A? Did I ever think of that sequence? Did I ever get that Allah was placing people and situations in my life to be reasons for other ones?

Have I ever thought that this girl will be my closest friend? Have I thought that this one will hurt me? Have I felt that I'd realize later on that I was being a fool? Have I ever though I'd visit that place?

And...why did X happen? 3ashan Y should happen as a result of X....3ashan Rabbena sheyellena Z ba3d X and Y...Tab eshme3na di te7sal abl di? 3ashan our response would have been different law el tarteeb e5talaf....

Msh di el 7aga ely kont hamout 3ashan te7sal a couple of years ago? Adeeny delwa2ty ba2ool el 7amdulilah ennaha ma7asaletsh...msh dowl el nas ely kont bat5ene2 menhom abl keda? Adeehom delwa2ty as7aby....

It just goes and no one knows eh beye7sal leh except Allah.....and that proves ad eh 3elm el ensan ma7doud w nazreto so3'ayara awy.....the only thing we should be sure of is en kol 7aga fel donia significance w mafeesh 7aga bte7sal 3ashan te7sal w 5alas....w mafeesh 7ad hay3'ayar el maktoub wala 7ad haya5od aktar men rez2o....

Keteer ba2ool el 7amdulillah eny ma3rafsh el mosta2bal.....3ashan sa3at fi 7agat law 3erefna feeha el mosta2bal we'd never enjoy el wake3....If I knew en di hate5las keda...I would have never started it...and I'd never enjoyed what I enjoyed during it.
لو علمتم الغيب لتمنيتم الواقع

Aktar 7aga fel donia betraya7 when something we can't accept happens enena nfakkar what we got menha...and even when we can't find ay 7aga tele3na beeha men el leila di f being sure en el 7aga di hatfedna later on w ennaha el 5eir is the best thing to do.

El 7amdulillah 3ala kol 7aga 7asaletly f 7ayaty sawa2 fehemt heya 7asalet leh aw lessa mafhemtesh aw 7atta msh hafham.....w el 7amdulillah mokadaman 3al maktobly in my future :)

Do you deserve to reach the other side?

It was late at night…I could hear nothing except the waves rushing towards the shore and hitting each other as if it was a race and each one wanted to reach the end point first. The cold air was moving around my face and my headscarf was flying like a small boat’s sail in the middle of the broad sea.
I moved my eyes up and looked to the stars while listening to the rushing waves (f nafs zat el la7za :D), they looked like the sparkling points in a diamond or a precious stone (momken ne2ool Morgan? :D) . I looked to the other side if the sea, wished two wishes (3arfahom ya Mai? :D btw I wished you the two ones you told me about ;) w da3etlek ya Aya….b kol 7aga kowayesa gat f dema3’y by then :D), I remembered my grandmother saying: Lamma to2afy 3and el ba7r, ed3y w 2ooly ya Rab, fi haza el shahr …..(Name el da3wa :D), and how it always worked with her that she once asked Allah en her granddaughter tetgawez :D and to her surprise, she got engaged in the same month…..I used to think en di 5orafa, bs that doesn’t mean that I don’t do it :D I stood praying and laughing at the same time that I looked like an idiot and then some thought popped into my mind…

Why do we think that our wished come true while looking to the other side of the sea? Maybe because wished are always linked to “the unknown”? or maybe because we always link wishes with fear? I’ve always believed that being in the middle of the dark sea is very scary, and only those who are brave enough to go into the sea and leave their shores deserve to reach the other side and reach their destinations, just like in our lives, only those who are brave enough to dream and risk in working on their dreams deserve to achieve their goals and get their wishes fulfilled. If we fear, we’ll never achieve, storms are always probable, but only those who are brave enough and strong enough to bear the cold weather and take off their shirts to use them instead of the broken sails can reach the other side, only those who have enough patience and enough faith in Allah can reach the other side.

Why not dream? Why fear? Life is always full of hardships, a fact we should believe in, I always remembered Allah saying: لقد خلقنا الإنسان في كبد , but he also said: و من يتوكل علي الله فهو حسبه which means that we shouldn’t “over plan” our future, and we shouldn’t be concerned with every single detail in our “what if” situations, we shouldn’t draw a “flow chart” for our lives paths, we should think about the main steps, know the obstacles but not over think about them. Fear of the future can never exist with true faith in Allah, As long as we believe in Allah and understand the true meaning of al tawakol, we get our strength from Allah, we get our courage from Allah: و اعلم أن الأمة لو اجتمعت على أن ينفعوك بشيء لم ينفعوك إلا بشيء قد كتبه الله لك و لو اجتمعوا على أن يضروك بشيء لم يضروك إلا بشيء قد كتبه الله عليك and that everything is already set even before we were born: رفعت الاقلام و جفت الصحف . We’re in good hands, Allah is more merciful to us than we are to ourselves, we can never know the future but we can always believe that it’s better.
We should never let our fear of the future stop us from enjoying the present and then we'll realize that we have lost both, the present and the future.

El erd f 3en ommo....zarafa.

"The only thing that is unchanged is change itself"......A very true phrase that's proving itself everyday, in every place, every class, every culture and every place.

Iran which was an ally of USA ayam "Reda bahlawy" is now one of the biggest enemies...France and UK ely kano byetsar3o 3ala masr fel karn el 19 3amalo 7elf deddaha sa3et el 3odwan el tholathy....

El 3arabeya el beetle ommo babein wel kabbout beta3ha kan wara w shantet el 3arabeya oddam et7awelet b odret ader l 3arabeyat motanawe3a :D W sub7an Allah!! El kabout oddam wel shanta wara!! :D


El ensan elly kan byesta3mel el 3agala el 7arbeya (kano beydaresoohalna 3ala enaha "e5tera3" :D) ba2a yerkab dababat w tayarat sa3b el wa7ed yefteker esmaha....

El so2al da f dema3'y ba2alo kaza yom, howa kol 7aga el mafroud tet3'ayar walla la2? Elly kan beyet2alllena enno 3'alat we7na so3'ayareen el mafroud yeb2a "et3'ayar" w ba2a "3ady" delwa2ty? Wel mafaheem et3'ayaret wel definitions ettawaret w kol 7aga maba2etsh heya...

Lamma el kodwa yeb2a el 7aramy wel 7ashash....

Lamma el dostour yeb2a kedb w tazyeef....

Lamma neb2a ben2ool kalam w mabne3meloush.....

Lamma yeb2a 3a2lena nayem wel estebn msh mawgoud....



Yeb2a msh be3eed el erd elly kan f 3en ommo 3'azal yeb2a f 3en ommo zarafa maslan :D

Aw yo3tabar el 5eyar fakha wel mowz 5odar.....

Aw nela2y el 7omar bey3eesh fel mayya wel samaka betetmasha 3al tare2 el zera3y....


Everything can be expected....Ma3a tide fel 3'aseel mafeesh mosta7eel :D


Shokran lel abtal elly esta7melo ye2reo el habal da lel a5er :D


P.S: I know this may sounds ta5reef awy, a3tazer, bs kan lazem a5arraf badal ma atgannen :D

Aywa...Ana elly ha3'ayar el kown.

Fel kolleya w yowm taweel, mesta3gela w 3ayza a5allas, nezelt gary gebt 7aga ashrabha w ba3dein..3ayza armeeha :D No baskets. Tab armeeha 3al ard? 3ala ganb ba2a mafeehash moshkela, w ba3dien mal nas kollaha btermy, howa ana elly ha3'ayar el kown?

Mashya w 3ayza a3addy el share3, lessa harou7 le7ad el crosslines (showayet el no2oush ely rasamouha 3al ard bel bouya ely etba2et b3d ma 5allaso dehan el raseef badal ma yermouhom :D), ana ha3addy men nos el share3 w 5alas, ya3ny mahy el 3arabeya msh hate5batny (aslo hayrou7 f dahya :D If you're a driver you'll understand ad eh bteb2a 7aga sa5eefa en wa7ed ye3addy kol sanyetein, beteb2a 3ayez t2ollohom ma3lesh lemmo ba3doko w 3addo marra wa7da :D), kol el nas bet3addy ba2a men ay 7etta, ya3ny howa ana elly ha3'ayar el kown?

Barken el 3arabeya, msh la2ya makan arken, wel donia za7ma wel eshara ma sada2t ennaha fata7et, eh da! 7ad byetla3 men makano, yalla bsor3a al7a2o (msh mohem aksar 3ally mashy ganby :D hayza3a2 showaya w y3addy, w ba3dein ana afla el shebbak, law shatam msh hasma3o). "Mamnou3 el entezar"?! Tab ezzay ya3ny? Ma kol el 3arabeyat Rakna, gat 3alaya ana? El wensh msh haykalbesh kol el 3arabeyat di, w ba3dein Howa ana elly ha3'ayar el kown?

Emte7an practical, el wa2t haye5las, 3ayza anga7, mahy keda keda dalma fel paper. El preparation tel3et bayza! :S Ya gama3a 7ad 3ando zayey? Tab ma3aky zeyada? Tab shokran, 7oteehom b sor3a fel jar beta3y 3ashan nel7a2 nesallem (E7na maben3'eshesh,kol el nas bte3mel keda, da 7atta el mo3eed 3amal keda, w ba3dein howa e7na elly han3'ayar el kown?)


Tab howa ezzay el 7agat di ba2et 3ady aslan? el egaba: Ba2et 3ady 3ashan e7na et3awedna 3aleiha, 3ashan wa7ed 3amalha l awel marra f wa7ed tany 2al lamma a3mel zayo wel talet 2al 5alas ana hat7ama feehom wel rabe3 2al" Howa ana elly ha3'ayar el kown?"
Aywa ana elly ha3'ayar el kown, law 3amalt 7aga 3'alat 3'eiry haye3mel zayey, w law 3amalt 7aga sa7, msh hayeb2a fi 7ad bye3mel 7aga 3'alat aslan. Lw ana battalt amshy 3aks el ettegah ma7addesh hayemshy 3aks el ettegah, law ana battalt army zebala fel ard ma7addesh hayermy zebala fel ard, law ana battalt ashtem ma7addesh hayeshtem, law ana battalt a2el zow2y ma7addesh hay2el zow2o, law ana battalt a2ool: "Howa ana elly ha3'ayar el kown?", ana elly ha3'ayar el kown.

Dedicated to the best people I've ever met.

Sometimes we meet some people who change the tracks of our lives, who make us feel really different and make a real change in our lives and sometimes, they become a part that can never be separated ov our souls and minds.

After I left school, I felt like I'll never meet good people, I'll keep going without frineds, and when I went to college, that thought became a reality, so I changed from an active chearful person to a lazy dull one that I started to hate myself.

The situation started to get worse till early in summer of 2008 when I promised that I'll change that situation and thought that I was much stronger than a person who would let all this crap control her life, by then, I was applying to be a member in STP, I chose media coz I felt myself a part of that team before even seeing it.

However, I wasn't so satisfied after I fisrt met you in Massimo, I felt that we would never be real friends, that's going just to be some kind of work or even some "ay kalam" that'll be doingm especially for Marium :D I thought you were going to be se "Tenka w hadya", bs olt yalla, let's wait and see what's going to happen.

When we started meeting later in Maadi (Ya Marium :D) to get that photoshop training, I started to love you more, and we got much closer day afet day, and then Maged got back men re7leto elly 5alel feeha (lessa ba7ked 3aleik) :D and we started working, sa7ee7 I realized later that we were'nt realy working :D bs they were great moments.

Showaya and we got into work aktar, we got involved with STP aktar, I can still remember how we spent ramadan days f Ibn Sina w Ramadan nights online 3al MSN le daraget ennena konna ben2oom netsa77ar w nerga3 w we didn't leave 3'er wel fagr bey adden!

Geina abl el opening and we were kinda mat7oneen :D and then we got to know each other aktar w aktar l daraget enny lamma kesebt f mosab2et el mofawadeya w kan ma3aya 3-4 invitations bs lel takreem you were the first people I thought of calling, 3ashan I wanted to share that moment with you, 5soosan that I won this competition because of you, if it weren't for you makontesh ha2addem aslan, if it weren't for your support I would have continued.
And because of this competition, I started to get known and contacted by galleries and participate in other competitions, because of you I started to have more belief in myself.


When we met ba3daha f Colours gallery (yom el set el 3ageeba :D), you were the first people who came and shared my success, something 7atta my family didn't do (although my family is really supportive), I always fel you beside me f kol 7aga.

Lmma konna f black and white, Nancy started saying: 5alas, fadel 21 days w STP te5las, and we felt bad by then, w kont 3arfa ad eh ana haddaye2 fel closing, but never though enny ahb2a keda.

I was trying to enjoy every moment left, and not to think about the end, bs the truth is much stronger that my false thoughts, and I felt so sad fel opening, bs I could hold myself from crying, ya3ny msh talbaha nakad in that great day :D

We7na ben7addar lel closing, when Marium asked me to get her some photos for the movie I felt a strange feeling that can't be expressed by words when I was coping the photos, eftakart every single moment, and I did hold myself from crying bardo, bs it was a bit harder than yom el opening.

We7na fel colsing, when I saw el nas w homma beysa22af after the "bye bye" movie I felt teras filling my eyes, bs by then Sara AbdAllah came and sadi Marwa ta3aly bsor3a 3ayzaky daroury, so I forgot baout it w tl3et, and when I got in and realized that I was part of that "Dream team" I was crying bs inside :D I was watching all the members 7ad 7ad and I was looking at you specifically and I wanted you to be there with me.

When I was driving home, Aya kanet ma3aya and she was reading el speeches fel conference book, I remained silent and when I got back home I slept 3ala tool 3ashan msh 3ayza a3ayat, bs when I read people's notes and saw our photos ma3a ba3d, I couldn't hold my self from crying.

I never expected that I'll love you keda! I never expected that I am going to cry for leaving someone whom I first met 8 months ago, I never expected that you'll be that special, bs you truely are! You're the best people I've ever met, you'll always be in my heart foever, and I'll never forget STP'09 and the best media team ever.

Can't find a thank you word wallahy! Law a3adt a2ool kol el thank you words ely fel donia msh hatkaffy, bs I am sure you can feel how I feel and understand what I want to say.

I'll always keepremebering and loving you! Proud to know you! Begad I am!!

We're in good hands!

Something inside me always tells me: Nothing bad is going to happen, you're on the right way, never fear the future, never regret the past, everything is going to be fine, "We're in good hands!"

Sometimes when we feel lost, someone appears to guide and mentor or even support and sometimes hold your hand to the right path, in other times something happens to tell you you're on the right way, "An omen" just flickers in front of your eyes showing you a sign, everytime we get lost we get back on the track very soon, just because "we're in good hands".

When something is complicated and you're confused how to respond, it just gets better wthout your action, when someone hurts you or even tries to harm you, you never need to take revenge because someone always does it for you. "We're in good hands".

Can't ask for a better life! Can't ask for better parents, better friends, better surrounding, better country! Simply can't ask for a better God!

An unforgettable lesson.

A new year has always been a symbol of hope, but for 2009, everything is completely different. The new year is a symbol of death, misery and war.

Ten days of continous masscares over Ghaza, ten days of shouting voices, crying eyes, blood, cut limbs and dead bodies everywhere, ten days and the Arab governments are almost "actionless", ten days and mercy has gone to the other world, maybe celebrating the new bloody year.

I'm not going to write about the situation in Ghaza, I'm just going to write about the situation here, in Egypt, my homeland. The government has done almost nothing, it took them days and days to allow trucks carrying food and milk to pass through the borders, I guess they wouldn't have opened it if it wasn't for the unofficial efforts heald by the Arab people.

I've seen the Egyptian flag being burnt side by side with the Israelian flag as if we were against the Palsetinian case, as if we were murdurers, as if betrayed our brothers and sisters the Arabs, Muslims and Human being, as if we replaced our hearts with some bullets to use 'em against the poor children in Ghaza who can't sleep because of fear, because the sounds of bombs don't stop, because they're not sure if they slept they'd find there parents alive or not, their houses there or not, even themselves there or not.

We didn't betray our brothers and sisters, we would never stop supporting you, we are trying to do our best and be there for you, but our governments don't always represent us, we are different.

I want to shout and say: I am supporting the palestinian case, with all what I can do, with all what I can offer, I'm supporting you against my government.

That just taught me a great lesson, we can't judge a whole people because of it's corrupt government as we do with some western countries, we can't say they hate us, they don't. Even if their governments do, we shouldn't say the whole country is against us, because the strongest among you may not wear the crown.

Donations for Ghaza:
Inside Egypt: http://www.amu-eg.com/tabaraa.php
Outside Egypt: http://www.un.org/unrwa/emergency/donation/emergency_activities.html